Black Mirror S6E1
Episode 1: "Joan is Awful"
A girl is asleep in her bed and wakes up to her alarm. Getting out of bed she starts her usual morning routine even saying pleasantries to a fellow neighbor out jogging. She heads out to work singing along to some god awful song. She gets to her desk where her assistant informs her on upcoming meetings. Her name is Joan if you haven't noticed.
She looks at her phone with notifications of "I miss you."
Here comes the hardest part of her job and she proceeds to fire an employee. She totally isn't happy about it and has to end up being escorted out of the building. While Joan is chilling on the outside stairs balcony smoking her vape? She is fiddling with her phone not knowing how to respond to someone when they say they are coming in town. The recently fired woman and the man escorting her out comes walking out of the door, Joan accidentally dropped her vape pen which bonks the poor lady on the head. Joan ducks just out of view but the woman totally knows it was her and calls her a coward.
Joan next heads towards her therapy appointment. Weirdly, she comments on how shit the coffee tastes which is the second time in barely 5 minutes into the episode she mentions how anal she is about the quality of it. First time was with the assistant. Upon being asked about her job, she simplifies it by saying she is just going through the motions and she is just the middle man in everything anyway. After being asked about her home life but she talks about her fiance, Krish whom she describes as "vanilla".
Uh oh. She brings up her ex. The ex was the opposite of vanilla but implies when they do fight it's not healthy at all but then she met Krish. She proceeds to reveal that she feels an inkling that she didn't actively choose this guy and she feels like she is on autopilot. She says she feels like she is not the main character in her own story. Sounds like foreshadowing!!!
After Joan walks out, she glances at her phone again and it is safe to assume that the beckoning texts are from said ex. She finally texts back accepting a meet up.
Away she goes to meet up with the guy. She steps in the restaurant and oh hey it's that song from 1st season's "5 Million Merits" playing in the background. On going reference, cool.
After sitting at the table, the dude is immediately flirting with her. To my surprise, Joan doesn't reciprocate the affection back and mentions how they "tried" for 2 years and implied it did not end well. Also made it a point to mention her fiance but it doesn't seem to phase him. He maintains that what they had between them was REAL. In fact, he wants her to run away with him. He tries to woo her but ultimately, they share a kiss which Joan immediately regrets and yeets out of there. Before she leaves, Mac, the ex, still says to think about it because he is going to head on back home in 3 days.
Joan arrives home to her soon-to-be hubby, Krish who doesn't hesitate to stuff her face. Lol at her reaction.
Both of them plop their butts on the couch to watch some tv. Streamberry is the streaming service launched which is an obvious mimic to Netflix even down to the launching sound and the layout. Cool easter egg but on the homepage, the 3rd icon is a reference to Black Mirror's interactive episode, Bandersnatch. A SECOND EASTER EGG is "Sea of Tranquillity" that was referenced in another Black Mirror episode "Nose Dive" which was the name of the show the main character hitchhiked to a con from...you guessed it: Sea of Tranquility.
They can't seem to come to an agreement so Joan takes the remote and scrolls on down and sees a title called Joan is Awful and the titled pic is of Salma Hayek who literally has the same hairstyle as her. They both laugh and ask "What even is this show??" Krish persuades her to see what it is about and she begrudingly clickies the title.
I love how even the colored bars displayed after choosing a title is exact. Not like they can copyright themselves, right? This is so hilarious.
So anyway, the show starts off strikingly the very same as this very episode started off. The camera angles. The editing techniques but I must say, the villain is a little over the top. Heh. It is very dramatic though lol. Even has the same middle eastern boyfriend she wakes up next to. Hunky guy. Krish mentions off the bat how similar the bedroom is and even the same brand of toothpaste.
Joan is just continuing to look in horror in how dead ass the portrayal is. She keeps trying to deflect saying that isn't even her hair color. Ehhh maybe the hair color is the least of your problems, Joan.
The assistant from earlier is at home with his boyfriend who hastily rushes him over upon seeing this exact title. Looks like they are both getting ready to tune in.
Meanwhile, the woman who recently got fired is having drinks with a friend and she herself gets a text from a woman named Ella asking her about the new Streamberry show. She whips out her laptop and they both decide to watch it...at a bar.
The ex, Mac, is on the shitter while on her phone (men, amirite?) which is gets the same notification and doesn't hesitate to clicky the title.
Continuing to watch, she continues to exponentially freak out when the scene comes on where she is singing/rapping along to the same cringe song from earlier. The fact I had to hear that shit twice omg. Joan almost snaps at Krish and asks how he was he able to pull this off? He maintains his innocence. She starts to have a panic attack.
The assistant is cringing so hard at his scene covering his face with a pillow to avoid further embarrassment.
Krish tries his best to calm her down but now it's playing the scene where she fires the woman. Salma-Joan portrayal is more cold hearted during this part. Joan swears she didn't say those exact lines and she's freaking out even more that this show is making her look like an asshole. The scene where she drops the vape pen? Show's depiction was totally intentional in "Joan is Awful" like omg.
Now she is getting notifications from her family and friends who are all collectively watching this shit at the same time. She is sooooo stuck on her phone and the people who keep messaging her but Krish? Well it's at the part where Salma-Joan is looking Mac's incoming texts. The poor soul is hurt.
Joan scrambles to try to unplug the fucking TV but it is mounted on the wall and there is nothing she can do because it is now at the therapist scene where the "vanilla" comment comes out. Joan just says to Krish that it's fake. FAKE. Faaaaaaake. Krish has seen enough and walks off to start packing to GTFO.
In the midst of Krish packing his shit, Mac is still on the shitter watching on his phone and audibly gasps when his scene comes up.
As Krish returns to the front room is when he sees Salma-Joan and Mac share a - this time - an unapologetic passionate kiss. Fuming angry, he storms out. For good.
Assistant and his boyfriend continue watching and it's now at the part of Salma-Joan picking a TV show to watch. Assistant storms out of the room after a light mocking of him. But holy fuck Salma-Joan and fiance now see ANOTHER Joan is Awful on their TV where Cate Blanchett is Joan!!!!! WTF Assistant comes back to keep tuning in.
Joan tries all in her power to persuade Krish to stay and contends that it is just a tv show but he ain't even hearing of it. She blurts out that she hasn't even seen Mac anyway. He says "Well if that is true, then let me see your phone." She knows she fucked so she makes an unconvincing excuse that he obviously sees through. Poor guy's voice is breaking as he drives off.
When she walks back in the house, is the scene being played out with Salma-Joan telling TV-Krish "Joan is Awful" ain't real along with the blowup and the him driving off. Joan's phone rings and it's Mac so she throws her phone in anger.
The next morning, upon waking up, You can tell she is dreading her day. As she pulls out, she sees the jogger from earlier but instead of wishing a good morning or anything the only words out of his mouth are "Shame on you." Well, fuck.
Joan walks in to work with a million eyes peering at her. The assistant meets up with her in the office and asks the no brainer question if he saw it. UHHHH YEAH AND LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. But wait, there's more good news. She's fired. She notices Bruce (who escorts the fired) is making a beeline towards her. Assistant tells her that she broke her NDA from the way she fired that woman even if it is on TV. What a way to go to be fired by your own assistant, huh? Well, she has no choice and gets her shit and leaves.
As she is walking out of the building, she stops and looks up to see her own former co-workers on the outside 2nd floor peering down at her but quickly look away except for assistant ( think!)
When she gets home she decides to keep watching Joan is Awful watching the aforementioned scene unfold where TV-assistant goes to Salma-Joan "Sayonara queen!" omg I wish I could see the look on assistant's face. Joan breathes deeply and picks up a newspaper and of course the "Joan is Awful" is on the front page dead and center with the CEO of Streamberry and plops it back down and continues to sob.
Later on she meets up with her lawyer who reveals to her that legally the corporation CAN get away with this. The lawyer says that she consented to this by accepting the terms and conditions when she first signed up for Streamberry. She printed out everything and showed it to her on what exactly she clicked ACCEPT to. Jesus christ it's a big ass book of T's and C's. Joan refuses to believes how she can possibly have known and still doesn't want to believe it.
Joan now wants to move to SUE Salma Hayek for impersonation or some shit. Lawyer is already one step ahead and whips out the newspaper and explains that is wasn't exactly Salma Hayek on what she saw on screen but rather a "digital likeness" and she simply licensed her image to the corporation. In fact, the entire show is CGI. Deepfakes and all.
Whoa.
She asks how the fuck they were able to put out this content on events that happened within a few hours of it happening IRL. Lawyer further explains that it is simply technology. Phone and other electronics can pick up conversations and other digital footprints. That's how they know.
Wait though, the show ended up taking some...dramatic differential liberties. Yup. Lawyer gets at it again with the T's and C's that somewhere in there covers that part.
FUCK.
She says that yeah she's totally fucked. Joan knows that too so she storms out of there in the most teenage angsty way possible.
Mac is now seen watching literally this exact scene play out on his TV this time. However there is a knock on the door and she just lets herself in. She breaks down in tears in which Mac is more than happy to let her cry in his arms. Holy fuck, she ends up kissing him and they end up hooking up like immediately.
Except not really.
He can't get his willy up now that he knows it will totally end up on the show being a public spectacle and all. On top of that this dumbass says he doesn't want to be known as the guy that couldn't get it up for Salma. Brooooooooo. Plus, he never consented to be a public figure. OMG. She snaps and she just leaves the bedroom even with the sheet covering her and decides to press play. As she is watching Salma-Joan talking to her lawyer, she all of a sudden comes up with an idea.
She literally proceeds to buy burgers from a Burger King rip off and stuffs her face full of 4+ burgers and guzzles down stool softener and heads on over to a mother fucking church.
She crashes a wedding in a cheerleader outfit and diarrheas in front of the lawd and everyone else in attendance.
She got what she wanted which was jail. The cop taking her picture is asking why TF is she laughing like a crazy lady. Turns out, the cop hasn't gotten around to watching the show for himself. She says well, watch it and wait til episode 4 because it is going to be a blast. Another officer walks in and says her lawyer posted bail so she is free to go.
Joan, while still in her psycho Harley Quinn hair, is watching in disturbing glee as the scene unfolded just hoping Real-Salma will flip the fuck out in her portrayal.
She does.
Real-Salma is now at her lawyers and is appalled that her likeness is seen defecating in a church. Lawyer says that technically it's the Joan character and it IS in the T's and C's and Salma says "Paragraph 8 can suck my dick." Omg I am dying. But yeah she fired him since there was nothing he could do to cover this shit up. Heh.
The next morning Joan wakes up to a doorbell and holy fuck Salma herself is at her door! And she is not a happy camper. She walks herself in and really gives it to her on how she fucked up her likeness and image and all that jazz because she's like totally the victim here.
Joan says sorry for shitting in the house of the lord but that was the only way she felt she could get her attention and stop the show. Salma says she tried and they didn't bend. Well shit there goes her plan.
Salma says that the streaming giant promised this was going to be an oh so great show and it was going to close the pay gap but in reality, she is getting paid way less than George Clooney as they are using his likeness to be in a Thomas the Tank Engine reboot. Please do not let this happen. So wait how much is Joan getting paid?
Nada.
What about Cate Blanchett? No one gives a hoot, let's focus their anger towards the CEO of Streamberry, Mona Jivadi. While Salma is going on her tangent how infuriated she is with them, Joan seems to come up with another fantastical plan.
Let's rage against the machine.
Joan says that since she is well Salma Hayak, she can totally just waltz in there and fuck shit up.
Here she comes strolling on in wearing an all yellow pantsuit to the great delight of all the star struck Streamberry employees and claims at the front desk she has a meeting with Ms. Jivadi.
Not surprisingly, front desk cannot locate such a thing but Salma then asks to go to the restroom but not a public one because of her portrayal and all. Front desk lady happily obliges and lets her get swiped through to the other side for a better looking restroom. She left her purse behind. Oops.
Mona Jivadi is now seen in her overly exaggerated office conducting an interview where her assistant informs her of Salma Hayek. Mona literally said "Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself this morning?" LMAOOOOO
Salma sneaks her way around the building to let Joan in and together they ninja their way into Mona's fancy office and hide behind some couches.
Very conveniently, Mona Jivadi is explaining to the woman interviewer about how they create the content and even says where exactly it is located. They dub it "quamputer". An infinite content creator.
The interviewer asks why Joan was picked for this particular show? Mona responds that there's no particular reason, they just wanted an average nobody to just test the system. "Joan is Awful" is just the beginning and that eventually make tailored content in their hella vast database of like 800 MILLION that can be created on an almost instant basis.
In fact, there is version of the interviewer on there called Fatima is Awful that is going to be able to stream on this coming Friday.
With a nervous chuckle, she asks why "awful"? It is explained that on tests conducted, there wasn't much appeal to audiences when it was more optimistic like "Jane is Awesome" it only appealed when it more destructive focused. Because, society. Mesmorized horror. Fuck, dude.
This is when Salma Hayek says:
Things are starting to get frantic when the assistant panicks asking the front desk where Salma is so now everyone is on high alert unbeknownst to the conniving pair.
Joan and Salma break into the quamputer room and holy fuck Michael Cera plays the dude in there! Joan notices that the "Joan is Awful" is playing but is is HER on the screen. WTF isn't Salma on that screen? Michael Cera says that this is variant that the Joan below her sees.
Say fucking WHAT?!
So it turns out that this current Joan isn't even the OG Joan. That would be: Source-Joan. What the fucking fuck is this fuck? He then shows her Source-Joan. Jeez my brain can barely comprehend.
She is totally in the show right now. Aaah.
He wastes no time and explains that he himself is currently in the show and Michael Cera licensed his face into what she sees. They are currently Fictive Level One. Things are getting hella meta here. So Salma is coded into believing that she is playing herself but the Source-Salma is probably fucking off in another country Live Laugh Loving herself to death.
Frustrated Joan punches Michael Cera deepfake and gets an ax and makes her way to the quamputer with Salma being her cheerleaeder. Too late, Mona Jivadi and the rest of her goons caught up with them.
So Joan is currently in the cell thingy while every else is on the outside with the glass separating them. Mona is attempting to talk Joan down from ax-ing the quamputer and says if she dares to break that thing then the reality they know will cease to exist. Salma randomly flip flops sides and now begs Joan to put the ax down. Joan believes she doesn't have autonomy over herself (Hellbound vibes, anyone!? I just finished the finale and holy FUCK! That will be posted soon though)
Moving on.
Joan smashes it anyway and everyone is going apeshit now and the more she is wacking it, reality is morphing back to Source. So now it is Source-Joan seen on screen and all the other source people. Source-Joan is being escorted away but she is all smiles now.
After credits scene is where Source Joan is talking to her therapist and pretty much says how content she is in her life referencing the original conversation on how she now feels like the main character in her life now. But yeah she is currently in house arrest with her ankle thingy. And aaaaww Joan has her own coffee shop. Ermagerd.
Credits continue rolling BUT DON'T LEAVE YET!! There is a bonus scene where it shows Source Joan in the wedding scene!!!
Attached is the ending card that says "Broke and Bones".
Episode 2 is next (not sure when so don't ask)