Tales from the Crypt S2E2
This is a very special intro to Tales from the Crypt because Arnold Scharzneggar has a cameo before introducting today's tale. He also directed this episode.
Today's episode is about an old rich man who is in love with this young woman as he blushes about it to his butler. He reveals to the butler that he plans ask for her hand in marriage but before that he wants to make sure she loves him for him and not for his money as she has no idea about it to begin with. Just to make things clear, this old fart is Bruce Wayne rich. Sure, he's old but he manages to be able to prance around like a lovestruck teenager.
Not too long later, he has his butler drive him to her workplace where he greets her with flowers. He has sent her a lot. He reveals that despite that he claims not to have much money but proposes to her in the same breath. She doesn't sugar coat it and says she cannot in good conscience say yes because he is simply old enough to be her grandfather and it feels icky. Fair enough. At least she lays the truth down.
This literally does not deter him. Which is creepy as fuck. She said no but he refuses to take that as an answer and swears to not let that keep them apart.
He goes to a clinic which advertises to take years off his looks. By that I mean eye lifts, smoothing reductions and variations of the sort. However, at the consultation he says he wants to look like a 30 year old man. I mean...have you seen what he looks like?
The doctor gets the hint of what he's getting when he says THAT kind of surgery will be deathly costly. He refers him to a specialist, this creepy looking fellow right here and he charges 1 million dollars for 1 simple face procedure.
The surgery in question, as the doctor explains, is an actual face off. Getting the face off of one guy and implanting it on the old guy. That's all. He doesn't even die they just switch faces.
After it is all said and done, he strolls on out to a very shocked butler. And he shows up to her again to show off his plastic surgery. She is equally as shocked but it looks so "bizarre" but she twists the hard truth deeper by saying he still has the body of an old man. She also can never have relations with a man with saggy balls.
Instead of running off to cry, he returns to the doctor to attempt to get an even more drastic transformation. Using the same guy's body, he gets to work and now he has the buff chest of the original dude. A whole new man.
He goes to the nearby beach to show off his fancy ass muscles to the much more delighted Linda.
They take a walk on the beach as she is now seemingly smitten with him. That is until they change into a swimsuit but she gets the ick once she sees his old man scraggly legs and is like nevermind. I know what I want and I want it now. And it's not you because I am mr. vain.
This dummy decides to go through with yet a THIRD surgery but now that each process is getting more expensive than the next, he has to cut expenses so he lays off the dear Butler. He big sad.
The doctor now quotes this final surgery for a whopping $3 Million!! One for each leg and then an additional to get le penis too. This took a little bit more hesitation than the previous but he reliquinshes.
He gallops on by to surprise only to find out that she moved. The random guy just hands the address to him all willy nilly.
However once he gets there he jumps for joy that he is finally the man she wants. He pops out the ring and proposes to her again but she says NOO! No?! What do you mean, no?!
She reveals to him that she is already married! Nani?! So I guess all this time she got so turned off how his crazy obsession with whatever he was going but she REALLY wanted someone who can financially take care of her. In walks in the husband and it is none other than Hans! The dude who got hella rich from his cut from the procedures. Another plot twist is that the butler now works for Hans.
Man, if only he told her how rich he was then that could have all been avoided, huh?
Evil Hans laughs away and concludes this episode.